Life is how you live it...

I don't know when the change occurred, or why for that matter. Truth be told, I am thankful. The change is hope. It's an amazing feeling to have "hope", hope in the future, hope things will just get better. You wake up in the morning, easier. You go to bed easier. Life is just...easier. I didn't know I lost it, until I got it back. I think when you're growing up, hope gets tangled up in a swarm of other feelings. Hope is undoubtedly the most vital one. This new hope has given me reassurance, and confidence. I now remember who I was and why I began helping others in the first place.I am more comfortable in being me, then I have been in a very long while, before I would get defeated and allow this to cause me to be bitter. I remember when I was a little girl, never feeling defeated, always having assurance in my every action. I remember a trip to the doctors office when I was just four years old, and I saw a boy in a wheel chair and extremely disfigured. This boy, I did not feel sorry for; but when he was being made fun of by adults...I felt outraged. I got up out of my seat and said " he was God's child", and just thinking there was nothing wrong with him. That innocence is long gone, and the loss of it has gotten me trouble. I plan on getting it back, but the idea of "planning" on getting such a magical thing, well it sucks. In the mean time I will just allow myself a celebration for getting my hope back.

“Celebrate we will for life is short but sweet for certain” ~ Dave Matthews 

Just Say Yes

 When a person is hurt, they will instinctively put up an imaginative shield to protect themselves.  This shield will get you into trouble. I have come to realize how much I really need to grow up and learn to forgive and forget. It can be really painful, to turn the other cheek. If you eventually do; the healing process will begin.Eventually it will get easier,to just rise above all pettiness. Many life changing things has happened to me in the past three years, things that I haven't had time to heal or grow from. I have found, that because I didn't allow myself to heal; I ended up hurting others, and stooping to levels of immaturity that I would have never before. I think about it a lot, about the type of person I can be at times, and she is not who I want to be. I think because I realized this, I am beginning to heal. I have reached a point, where I just want to be a good person again. To be strong, and loving. There is a saying, that a person is who they are when they were a young child. As a child, I was compassionate, loving , gentle, and confident. I think that person still lyes within myself. I just have to patient and allow myself to recover from a hard past. Trials and tribulations mold individuals; my mold is yet to be decided.

Living well...

In every-bodies life, there is a person who has caused some sort of pain. Who's reckless and selfish thinking single handily destroyed any confidence you may have had. The truth is, that person didn't do a thing to you. You, yourself are in charge of your feelings. You have to be accountable. That's the difference between happy people and unhappy people. I had the chance to finally tell someone exactly the type of the person they were yesterday morning. I'd like to think I wasn't as petty as I am; and that I really didn't need to unveil there ugly persona. I had to though. I had to tell them who they were, why they were wrong, and prove...PROVE, I was right. After really thinking about it, I had done something I wish I didn't do. I had flawed judgement, and probably was just having a lot of emotions. Do I feel better? Yes, I saw how terrible this person was. I finally am able to rest. The point of this all, is to just tell everyone; WE ARE HUMAN. We need the feeling of absolute content. We need to prove that the way we feel is right. It's not a positive aspect of being a person. It's not bold or loving. It, just ....is.